Friday, 30 December 2016

Reflection on twenty sixteen

 I've been reading a few of these and all of them have been very positive, with people doing amazing things and genuinely sounding like they've had a lovely year and it has been wonderful read, I thought about not doing one but then I also thought it would be nice to read and look back on in a years time just to see how things have changed and such, because in all honesty my 2016 has probably been my least favourite year.

This post may seem like a big old moan full of sadness but like I said it's a way for me to reflect on what has happened this year and what has changed.

This year I decided to move home for my last year of University which I have previously mentioned and this also meant that I would be tackling the dreaded southern trains and commuting to London most days. This was due to really having a hard time in my living situation, I got very low in my moods and would constantly be on the phone to Sam crying and wanting to leave it all and come home. I was a bundle of worry, sometimes I'd spend a good hour if not more plucking up the courage to leave my room and start my day, it was horrible and the start of my year to come.

But like most of the situations I talk about I did see some good in it all, for one I am now much happier at home, I get to see Sam all the time and I get to be with my friends and family, having to deal with the trains has been totally worth it, even if I have complained about the train because it's nice to know that although I still have to go to University at the end of my days there I can leave the campus and come home, leaving any drama or worries back there and it has been wonderful! Also on the run up to the end of my second year I did make some really lovely friends and one in particular really did help me through. She invited me to the library everyday to do work, I went round her University house often and it made me feel so much better she was a complete rock and in all honesty if it wasn't for her I think I would have dropped out and gone home. So my whole situation really did improve and third year really has been an improvement, I just cannot wait for University to finish so I can close my book on education.
After University I got a job at an after school club and have made some really lovely friends, friends are hard for me, in all honesty I could probably count my friends on one hand which isn't a bad thing but it's been lovely making new ones and actually meeting outside of work and just building new friendships, my mum used to always say when I was younger me and my twin would go somewhere, whether it be on a camping trip or a trip to the park or beach and within an hour we'd have new friends. But as I got older my friends have become more sparse and it's been hard so it really has been nice making new ones. Luckily they let me come back after the summer holidays so our friendships have only continued to grow! 

But just before the summer I hit a massive dip in my relationship and little did I know it would last for a few months, I'm not going to delve into it but it was extremely hard for me, I cried a lot, I lost loads of confidence, I didn't want to do anything, I was angry, it was hard for both of us. But my best friend and sister were their for me, we flew out to Greece in the Summer and they really did help me through all the tough times, it was nice to relax, eat good food, which by the way Greece have the BEST food ever! I didn't blog because I was their to relax and try and feel better about everything, but one I won't forget even if I did take out some anger on them both and cried a few evenings, things I really regret doing but I know deep down it was due to my problems. 

Also before the summer I was reunited with a very old friend and we booked a spontaneous trip to Budapest, all three posts can be found on my blog and I had not laughed quite as much as I did on that trip, I think every minute we were all in stitches, full on belly laughs, tears streaming down our faces it was amazing! Not to mention the things we did and saw! 
I'd definitely say both holidays and starting at the after school club have probably been the biggest highlights of my year. I feel a little sadness that I can only really think of 3 things, but I will treasure those with my heart.
 My relationship dip lasted from the beginning of summer right the way through until October, we both struggled a lot with everything, we were both very sad with everything. But in all honesty since we began to get back to normal in the last few months we have become a lot stronger, I feel myself be more confident in the relationship again and these last few months have been pure bliss, I've never felt happier with Sam, we've laughed a lot, we've done more together and with friends it's been lovely, we've even sat down and spoken about how we can improve our relationship and what kind of things we want to do in the future. My best friend has even said how she notices a change in the both of us, how I seem happier and even how he feels happier and that was lovely to hear.

All in all I think I've managed to leave 2016 in a happier light, although this year has been incredibly hard, I've learnt a lot about who my friends are, where my relationship is and even what I want to achieve in 2017, but I will be doing a corning resolutions post so you can see what I hope to achieve then! I apologise if this post is rambley and sad but I thought it would be nice for me to write out and reflect on and in all honesty with how I'm ending 2016, I am excited for 2017.

Elizabeth Apps x


  1. I think it's so important to recognize the negative things that has happened, from that we can grow which is exactly what you did! I don't think this post is a "big old moan full of sadness" it definitely is something that people need to read :) I'm so happy that you're feeling better and you're excited for 2017. I believe 2017 will be great for you!!

    Catherine | Beauty by Catherine